Not The Onion: A woman named Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks decided it's time to take legal action against P. Diddy, his ex-girlfriend, Kim Porter, and police brutality victim Rodney King, because they "knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down".
She also claims Sean "P. Diddy" Combs date-raped her 24 years ago and that he is the father of her child. She is asking for 900 billion dollars in child support and 100 billion for 'loss of income.'
Oh, and also, P. Diddy should return that casino chip "worth over 100 zillions of dollars" he stole from her.
Radar
In other news, P. Diddy is being sued for a trillion dollars
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