Original Jesus

"Jesus H. Christ (first name pronounced HEY-Zeus/Ιησους; plural Jay-Z, diminutive Jessie) was a pretty cool dude from back in the day...
[...]
Most accounts have summed up Jesus' life as follows:
1. Born
2. Got depressed about the whole "not knowing a woman" thing.
3. Decided it was okay to eat bacon. (which it wasn't until then. Apparently JC was immune to Trichinosis.)
4. Went off to have fun in the desert.
a. Chilled with Lucifer while ticking him off,
- Skipped lunch
- B.A.S.E. jumping
- Sightseeing
b. Got lost in the desert, saw !!!GOD!!!.
5. Bar Mitzvah (Greatest party of the millenium)
a. Married Mary Magdalene
b. ?Invented Cracked Corn?
6. ???
7. Prophet!
a. Found out who His real father was.
b. Preached a universal form of Judaist-Socialist values.
c. Loved everyone.(In that non-sexual/brotherly kind've way)
8. Death.
a. Last Supper (at Wendy's).
b. Went to the Gardens (Gethsemane, not Busch).
c. Got betrayed by Judas (Iscariot, not Priest).
d. Condemned to death by the Roman governor Herpititus.
e. Nailed and hung on cross.
f. Dies.
g. Stops being dead.
h. Flys around up in the clouds!
9. Christ! "



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